With the Super Bowl a few days away, I thought, “Wouldn’t it be cool to interview a few NFL wives who are happily married?”
Two amazing women, Stacie Scifres and Mallory Brown (both San Diego Charger wives), emailed me about their desire to encourage other NFL wives who love Jesus. They write at The NFL Wife Handbook.
With a combined 20+ years of experience in the NFL, these women have learned a valuable lesson: to get through this so-called amazing life, you NEED Jesus.
Isn’t that true for all of us?
To my delight, Stacie and Mallory used my book 31 Days to a Happy Husband in their women’s study. The two biggest takeaways from the book were:
- Respect – A husband needs to be honored in his home.
- Attraction – A husband needs to be attracted to his wife.
With their husbands traveling, these women relate to military wives and single moms. I trust this Q & A with Stacie and Mallory will speak to your situation today!
How do you manage while your husband is away and then how do you transition when he returns?
I have two boys, ages 2.5 years and 15 months. What I have learned in order to bless my husband after a weekend away is to go above and beyond what is necessary to create a calm, clean, welcoming atmosphere for him to come home to. The mundane tasks of being a stay at home, nonetheless single mom (at times) can easily go unappreciated, and that is HARD – especially since I personally seek words of affirmation. However, the stronger I have grown in my walk, I depend less on obtaining affirmation from my husband, and rather choosing to hear it from God.
Although candles lit, meal prepped, tidy house is ideal, I am human and there are moments I will text my husband before arriving home saying “Give me grace please, it has been one of those days.” Although I would love to pawn my children off on him, the MINUTE he walks in the door, I don’t. It doesn’t serve anyone well by doing this, nor do I dump a bucket of complaints on his lap. Rather I try to greet him with a hug, ask him how his trip was, give him time to digest being home, and then we circle back to a weekend recap.
I am a mother of twin 4 year old girls and a 2 year old boy, and now 5 months pregnant with our 4th (AND LAST) child. My husband has been in the NFL for 13 years now, so he is very much in a rhythm and a creature of habit when it comes to his work schedule and home schedule.
In the beginning, it used to be a bit hard to watch him be gone on a trip and then come home and sit on the couch to watch a show, or just come home and let me continue to do ALL the laundry, cooking, cleaning, childcare etc. Ever since I began my walk as a Christian, I have came to the realization that I am not doing all these duties for my husband, but I now look at it as this is my duty and place in my family. I do everything as if I am doing it for my Heavenly Father, and I know He notices everything and appreciates all I do.
Now I do have to say, once the season is over, my husband is wonderful at taking some of my “in season” duties off my plate and he definitely co-parents with me for those months he is off. The NFL is definitely something that doesn’t just affect the man playing the sport, but affects the whole family, so to know that I am not alone ever and I have a wonderful God watching over me, has really came to comfort me in these recent years.
In a celebrity culture, how do you fight the temptation to compare yourself to other women?
Trying to not compare myself to other women is extremely challenging. I used to be VERY insecure of my image – sizing up every angle of my body, face, and hair to others. When did this all begin to change? Once I committed my life to Christ. I was more confident in myself, and naturally morphed into the healthiest/fittest version of me to date. Once the pressures of keeping up with the “who’s who” dissipated, I organically was able to transform, yet it all began with a heart change. Yes, there are always going to be others, however in lieu of me saying “I wish I was like her,” I find myself saying “Wow, she is really beautiful.”
Psalm 139:13, “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb” brings clarity and confirmation that God personally, intentionally made me as I am. Every mark, detail, component of me was done with purpose. Why long for anything else other than what He personally gave me?
Comparing myself to other wives of NFL players definitely played a role in my life in the beginning years. In the past, I would be dressing up in wedges and heels to go to a football game….yes a FOOTBALL GAME! After a couple years, I realized that what I was doing was trying to keep up and impress others, instead of what I was there for…supporting my husband. Needless to say, my feet also thanked me for this realization, and my husband loves me at my best when I am in comfy clothes and my hair in a pony tail. I honestly look back thinking how funny I must have looked in a stadium dressed the way I was. In recent years, I have became very close with some wives. We share a weekly Bible study together and they are prime examples of how a Christian woman presents herself in every aspect of life. They keep everything in perspective for me.
Thank you Stacie and Mallory for your wise words for any wife! We are cheering for YOU!
Connect with Stacie and Mallory at The NFL Wife Handbook