Bestselling author, wife and mother of three Pam Farrel talked with me about keeping romance alive – even with baby!
Q: Sometimes a new mom is tired of being touched all day by her baby. When she feels like that, how can she turn her heart towards her husband?
A: I like to say the erogenous zone for a woman is her mind. We have control over our sexual lives in our brain. And one of the things that I did was to train by brain to shift gears. And I would do that by thinking of things that do put me in the mood. So if a woman makes a list of 2 or 3 things that help her get in the mood, that’s a good starting place.
Q: Why is it critical for moms not to forget about sex and romance?
A: The most important thing a woman can do for her child is have a strong, stable marriage. So if you love on your husband, it will set an atmosphere of love in the home. And that’s the kind of home you want to raise your child in.
Q: What if you’re unhappy with your body?
A. When I am discouraged about my physical appearance or health, I write inspirational quotes on 3 x 5 cards. I put those cards on my mirror so everyday when I’m doing my make up, I can read words like You are beautiful. God sings over you. You are the apple of God’s eye.
Q: What if dating is too expensive?
A: Write a dream date list. Have your husband do it, and you do it too. Then trade the lists and say to yourselves, How can we make this happen? For instance, you may not be able to travel to Hawaii for a big vacation, but you could put on some tropical lotion, lay out beach towels, and use your imagination.
Q: How can a new mom be more creative in finding time for intimacy?
A: When my kids were young, I was desparate for time alone with Bill. I started saving pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters. When I had a jar full, I brought the boys outside to the backyard. I told them how many pennies, nickels, dimes and quarters there were. I dumped them in our ivy and told them they could keep the money on one condition. They couldn’t come into the house until it was all found. It gave me two uninteruppted hours with Bill and the boys were so happy to find all that money!
Q: Tell us about having a code word for sex.
A: You probably don’t want to use the word sex in front of your little ones, so you can come up with code words to talk about sex. Our code word around the kids was “Hey, you want to play some Bingo?” That reference came from our book Men are Like Waffles, Women are Like Spaghetti where we talk about how men process life one box at a time, kind of like the boxes on a Bingo square. And sex is like the free space in the middle of the square because whatever a man is doing, he can get to that square!